Wednesday, October 15, 2008

be still my heart

here i go, getting all emotional again. you'll have to forgive me. i have not always been this way...well i take that back, before i got married i was EXTREMELY emotional...too emotional. don't get me wrong, i enjoy a good cry every now and then but i was, well, just worse than a normal girl. i balled my eyes out at titanic. i'm not talkin shed a few tears b/c it was sad i BALLED like a baby. looking back i laugh at myself now. after i got married, i learned to control my emotions, which i'm thankful for. thanks to the good Lord and my husband...i feel like i'm a well-rounded person now. sometimes i can still be too crass but the Lord is helping me work on that....i digress. 
i have not yet been emotional when it comes to my kids as far as milestones are concerned. some of my friends have shed tears when the baby stage is gone, moving from one house to another, first days of school, things like that...and i love that about my friends, it's just never gotten to me before....UNTIL jakob started school. and every day he comes home with new information, things he's learned, friends he has, what he's going to do when he gets older...and i have to admit, it's killing me. i LOVE this stage with jake and to think of him being 7 or 16 absolutely kills me. there, i admitted's killing my heart to watch my son grow up. i just want him to stay this way forever.
so to shove the dagger deeper into my heart, he brings home to me, yesterday after school (sniffle sniffle, kleenex box please) his first school pictures. UGH!!!!! my bleeding heart can take no more! i know what you're thinking, it's only a picture but that's it, we've crossed a threshold...he's going to start becoming too cool for mom at any minute and then what will i do. i will once again have to control my emotions. i can only pray for an amazing relationship between us and maybe, just maybe, we won't go through any of the "my parent's are stupid" phases that i went through (or brandon for that matter) i know, chuckle to yourself all you want. i can pray if i want. 
so i leave you with precious 4 year old and his first school picture (and to me he already looks older)


txconnection said...

Wow. I was with you, remembering my experiences, doing OK. Then I saw his picture and I was again right there with you ... bawling like the baby he is supposed to still be!

There are angels in heaven beaming over that picture.

Love ya!

Casey said...

O my...that picture is so great! And i just wrote my blog and then started reading all my usuals....and we wrote the same thing! Its killing me right now. Maybe the jump from 3 to 4 is extra hard. They change SOOO much from 3 to 4. They go from just above toddler to practically grown up in that year. Oh I hate does really actually hurt. I could cry right now, but I am holding back! I feel your pain!!!!

DeAndra said...

when do i get one? a picture that is...not a kid :)

Dana said...

I can't believe how big he is! He is precious, and BEST of all has the greatest parents in all the world! LOVE YOU!