my girl

when i was younger, i wanted to be a mom and have a boy and a girl. however, when jakob was born, i changed my mind and decided i wanted all boys. God had different plans for me and i guess decided to stick with my original desire...He gave me ella.
i'll be honest, when i first heard i was having a girl, i wasn't excited. and ella has given me a run for my money.
but man oh man, i could not imagine my life without her. she brings so much joy to my life. she makes me laugh constantly and when she is in one of her crazy moods, our laughs go on forever. she is dependent, but extremely independent. she has a mind of her own, but likes to have encouragement for her choices. she's a snuggle bug, loves to play dress up, already has a shoe fetish and is boy crazy. yes that's right, at the age of 4 we already have a boy crazed little girl on our hands. just this morning she woke up smiling because she had a dream about two little boys in her class. good times for all. and dad was NOT amused. i, however, think it's cute.
she had a conversation with her brother the other day that deserves to be saved. and here's how it went.

ella: bring me my juice.

jakob: you don't just say "bring me my juice ella". we aren't your servants, you're not a queen.

ella: yes i am.

jakob: no you're not.

ella: well i feel like one.

and that is her attitude. and at times it drives me crazy. but with that tenacity, she'll be unstoppable.

so i say to my precious ball of sunshine who popped into my life and turned my world into crazy girly-ness.....

you grab that scepter and go for it!!

Happy Valentine's Day

...if i give everything i own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but i don't love, i've gotten nowhere. so no matter what i say, what i believe and what i do, i'm bankrupt without love.
love never gives up.
love cares MORE for OTHERS than for SELF.
love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
love doesn't strut. doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always me first. doesn't fly off the handle. doesn't keep score of the sins of others. doesn't revel when others grovel.
love takes pleasure in the flowering of TRUTH.
love puts up with ANYTHING.
trusts God always.
always looks for the best.
never looks back but keeps going to the end.
love never dies.

Trust steadily in God
hope unswervingly
love extravagantly.

and the best of these 3 is LOVE.

snow, snow, snow, snow, SNOW

i love it. i love being snowed in with my family, by the fire, baking cookies, watching movies. love it. i do get weary after about 3 days of going no where, but overall, it's mucho funno.
last weekend we had a trip planned to see b's brother in east oklahoma, unfortunately we headed out and had to turn back. a second (unexpected to us) snow storm hit oklahoma and made it pretty scary and pretty impossible. we were bummed so decided to head to tulsa. i'm really glad we did. we got to see friends and have fun in their snow, which was a little thicker than ours.
the kids got to play and go sledding and just had a great weekend.
and now we're getting ready for round two. not sure what to expect, sometimes the weather men are right on, sometimes, not so much. so we shall see. i'm stocked with baking supplies, firewood and movies so bring it on (whatever it may be) bring....it....on.....

one thing

i went for a run this afternoon. something i haven't done in about a month and a half. it felt good. call me crazy if you wish but i missed smelling the outdoors, the sun in my face, the sweat...yep that's right, the sweat and i also missed my music.
as i was running, one of my favorite songs came on. the words that ring in my head every time i hear are
"all of my life, in every season, You are still God, I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship"
it's repetitive and as the song was going on, i began to think about my mom. no matter what was going on during her 7 years of cancer, she worshiped. with all of her heart. yes she had days of exhaustion, yes she had days where she didn't want to get out of bed, and even walk, but i remember sundays and how she would never miss. i remember her prayer time and as far as i know, she was faithful. no matter what her pain was, no matter what her body told her, she knew the ONE thing she could do if nothing else, was to praise His holy name! and that she did!! what a testimony!
so i began to cry, while i was running, just thinking about how i've recently let my circumstances dictate my attitude and even my health. it's easy to let day to day creep in and tear you apart, but we can't let that happen my friend!! we MUST in spite of everything else, we MUST worship!!
worship (much like exercise in my opinion) is invigorating to your soul. it releases all the junk from your day and gives you such a feeling of "i can do this!!"
this is not "new" news...i know you know this, but sometimes it's good to be reminded.

WORSHIP!!

2011

those numbers are foreign to me. i'm not the only one saying, "i can't believe it's 2011" but i really can't.
in a conversation the other day among friends, doing some calculating, realizing i have been friends with someone for over half my life. i guess it's not that unreal, i just didn't realize it. and now we're looking at the middle of january in the next few days....time DOES go by so fast.
this holiday season was good. i remain blessed. although i've had better, i do not want to sound like i'm complaining, but it wasn't what i expected at all.
the beginnning of december began with sickness for ella, followed by jake, followed by brandon, and a small cold for myself. nothing to write home about, i am extremely thankful it was nothing worse (for everyone) but i was ready for december to come to an end and that's not normal for me.
my sister came in town 3 days late due to weather...SUCKFEST and unfortunately, a close friend and a one i've been reunited with, both experienced death this december. one at the beginning of december and one the day after christmas.
i was ready for the month to be over and the new year to begin.
but this year i didn't have any resolutions. something i've tried to do every year for a while now.
all i want to do is live my life, live for the Lord, enjoy my family each and EVERY day, appreciate the small (and big) blessings, keep learning to trust in the One who holds all things and give more.
i guess you could say that is a resolution of sorts, but these are constants.
i'm learning more and more, i like a routine (i'm all for unexpected fun-ness and surprises) but i function better with my routine. that's a good quality i think, but i need not let my life become messy when the routine is broken. i need to learn to roll with it.....
so this blog is random, i felt it was time to update and maybe jot some things down that i can reflect on later.
i continue to learn from everyone around me daily and i am certainly blessed more than i deserve and more than i realize.
i want 2011 to be a monumental year.
so here's to 2011 and january being halfway over. i heard a friend say, "doesn't the beginning of january feel like a continuous monday?" i have to whole-heartedly agree. but we're well on our way.

Never Give Up

i've been contemplating writing about this...for one i'm not even sure if people read this anymore. secondly, it's personal...and while i feel i've exposed myself to some degree in my blogs, this entry is a bit more personal than most.

b and i have been through alot in the last six months. some people know a little about it, others have no idea. we're not afraid of sharing our struggles, in fact, i would hope that what we go through could encourage others and lift them up.

i lost my job back in june and when it ended i felt total peace. my idea of what was going to happen was a lot different than what did happen. that's not out of the ordinary though. i think most of the time our solutions to problems are different than God's. it's hard to get over and comprehend that my way isn't the best, i mean come on, my solution works so perfectly in my head...why would it not make sense in real life. (note the sarcasm)

nevertheless, God had different things in mind. we have struggled financially. digging deep into God and trying to hold on with all our might to His promises and His provision has not been easy. it has stretched our faith beyond anything i can comprehend...and we still have a long ways to go. but we kept fighting and got to a point of being willing to lose everything....no exaggeration. and that is a very scary yet liberating place to be.

and as we continued to hold on and press on and trust God and pray for that miracle to come. it happened. coming from somewhere completely unexpected, from someONE completely unexpected, and just like that, it was taken care of. we don't have to lose everything, we don't have to walk down a path we were welcoming and dreading at the same time, just like that, God took it, fixed it and will continue to work it out. i'm convinced.

alot has happened to try and distract me from this miracle. but i'm not going to let earthly circumstances and daily happenings take me away from what God is doing and will continue to do, as long as i abide in Him.

so i say all that to say, never give up. your miracle is coming. in a way you never imagined and can't even dream about....it's coming.

i read this little blurb in an email b received a few days ago...i think it helps sum up my thoughts as well.

When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you trust God to do what's best, and wait on HIS time, sooner or later, you will get it, or something better.

You Are For Me

This is one of my favorite songs by Kari Jobe. I listen to it alot. On some days it just reminds me of the One I have backing me and other days it pushes me to keep going. Its comfort. Thank you Jesus, for being "for me."

So faithful
So constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all you do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are

So patient
So gracious
So wonderful in all you do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me that

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are